#and thats hard to do because my brain Refuses to stay on track if listening is all i'm doing

[glassphinix]

[ID: the “touching grass is not enough” meme of text over a flowery field that has been edited to read “touching grass is not enough, i need an update about the edge of sleep tv series.” end ID]

[serkewen12]

Something There Part 7

Annnnnd I’m back! Here we go lovelies! I really hope you enjoy and I’m so sorry about the long wait!

Pairing: Thomas Jefferson x Reader

Word Count: 3431 (I know it’s shorter than normal, it felt like the right place to end the chapter)

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six)

Tag List: @imagineham @musicalmoriarty @la-frenchiest-frite @imaginebeinghamiltrash @wolfphantom-m @daveedish @shamagangster @secretschuylersister @love-doesnt-discriminate @icanneverbesatisfied @getupoffathathang @withthatbitch @marquiis-de-la-baguette @consumed-by-musicals @drugsdiggs @hamfan22 @lawliette1031 @hamfamhamfam @y-lue @chloehamiltonn @patron-saintof-sluts @hanakatsumi @americanrevelation @ginnemer @mofoing-democraftic-republican @stone0502 @merrahonthawall @miightymiighty @mysterywriter36 @iknowthekoolaidflavor @lafislife @canadian-hufflepuff @librarychild @gingerpatchkidd @kimmy-h-life @imreallyfredweasley @parksxo @ccecode @spn-applepie-imagines-deactivat @panromantic-rose @axreblogs @thepaddyb @thats-so-riah @fangirl11032001 @nadialinett14 @cookiepie111 @stress-and-obsess @louisianaspell @herfirstrefrain @astudentsnightmare @secretfanficreader @pumpkjnspjcebreeze @sangshit @thatpunkrockfandomchick

Angelica had never left an event so quickly in her life. Lafayette nodded with understanding as she had kissed his cheek before hailing a cab. Angelica called (Y/N)'s phone multiple times with no response, she tossed her phone in her bag with an angry huff.

"Damn it! What the hell happened back there? I'm sorry but can you please drive a little faster? This is an emergency."

When the cab pulled up in front of the Schuyler home she rushed up the walk way and when she reached the porch she stopped in her tracks. (Y/N) was sitting on the top step with her knees pulled up to her chest with tears cascading down her cheeks. She was slowly pulling bobby pins from her hair and throwing them into the yard. 

"Oh sweetie..." Angie said as she slowly approached her. (Y/N) jumped and quickly started wiping the tears off her face. 

"Angie! I'm sorry... I didn't want to go home. I knew he would go there to look for me. I'll pick up the bobby pins," she said as she started to stand up.

"You sure as hell will not," Angelica snapped," Come on let's go inside and get you cleaned up."

You followed Angelica into the living room and sat on her couch. You stared at you hands as she sat next to you and looked you over. You must have looked like a disaster, mascara running all over you face and your hair half out of the up-do Peggy had worked so hard on. You felt your bottom lip start to quiver and a familiar burn in the corners of your eyes as tears threatened to start flowing again. No... no... no more tears. 

"What happened? You ran out of there so fast and did I see you slap Thomas?" Angie questioned.

"Alex was right about everything," you whispered.

"What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean Alex was right?"

"About Thomas..."

"What did I tell you about letting Alex ruin this for you girl? Thomas..."

"THOMAS DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!" 

Angelica jumped back slightly at your outburst. You took a shaky breath to calm yourself down.

"I heard him," you whispered, "I heard what he said to Aaron. He told... he told him that he needed to be quiet because he had worked so hard to earn my trust and then he told him that he would use me in any way that he pleased..."

Angelica gasped and wrapped her arm around your shoulders tightly as your tears started flowing again.

"I'm so stupid Angie... I just... can I stay here for awhile?"

"Consider it done. I'll go get the spare room set up and grab you some pajamas."

Angelica hurried up the stairs to find you a change of clothes leaving you to wallow in your thoughts. Your phone buzzed continuously in your bag causing you to frown as you fished it out. Texts from Alexander, Hercules, Lafayette, and Thomas were coming in over and over. Asking you what happened, asking where you had went, if you were okay, and the ones from Thomas begged you to let him explain and to answer your phone. You had ten missed calls. As you held it your phone lit up with an incoming call. Thomas. You glared at the screen and swiped to red circle and quickly shut your phone off then tossed it across the couch.

You slowly made your way up the stairs and found Angelica finishing making the bed in the spare bedroom. She looked at you and gave you a small smile, which you tried your best to return. 

"Eliza is on her way home and she will most likely have Alex with her," Angie said with concern.

"I don't want to see him. I don't want to see any of them. I don't want to hear all the "I told you so's"," you said as you sat down on the bed. 

"I will make sure that he leaves you alone. Here are some pajamas, just lay down and get some rest," she said as she left.

Angelica had successfully kept the boys at bay with a lot of help from Eliza. You didn't wake up until almost noon the next day. All of the crying and stress had collapsed down upon you and when you woke up your body felt stiff and heavy. Quietly you made you way across the hall into the bathroom, not wanting to alert the sisters that you were awake because you didn't feel like talking to anyone. Looking into the mirror you let out a small sigh. You had mascara smudged half way across your face, your hair was tangled and sticking out in all directions, your eyes were still red and puffy, and you knew you were going to have dark circles after scrubbing off the make up. I'm a mess.

Stepping into the shower you winced as the water stung your skin. You had turned it up higher than you usually did but your aching body needed it. The water running against your skin brought the smallest amount of relief. The lump in your throat was starting to return as you rinsed the shampoo from your hair. 

"I'm not going to cry...I'm not," you whispered to yourself.

Your mantra had failed and you sank to sit in the tub and let the water wash over you. A million questions swirled in your brain. 

"How could I let this happen? Damn it I promised myself I would keep my guard up..." you seethed through your tears.

You sat in silence as you thought over the events from the last three months. How did he manage to weasel his way into your heart so effortlessly. Then again this is my fault... I was the one who thought it would be funny to prove Laf wrong. Who's laughing now? That son of a bitch most likely. No matter how many times you thought over every dinner, every meeting, every text message, he had never shown a single sign. Now it was too late and the damage was done. I love him.

"I was ready... this was supposed to be it. I wanted to tell him," you sobbed. 

You thought about how you had defended yourself and your relationship with Thomas to your friends. They had been so against it and angry, sure they had said they were going to give him a chance, but you knew better. I bet they can't wait to tell me how they were right about him. Alex and his smug grin he gets whenever he is right floated through your mind and it made your scowl. Alex knew you were in love with Thomas and you didn't want to think about what he might say to you now. 

Thomas's voice echoed in your head, all the nice things he had ever said, his laugh, that tone he got when he was alone and only talking to you. You willed yourself to forget all the things that had seemed so sincere, all the things he had said that made your heart race. You tried to will yourself to hate him, but instead you found yourself hating how much you loved him even after what had happened. 

"What do I have to do (Y/N)? How can I ever make you see?" 

"You don't have anything to apologize for." 

"You called me Thomas. You've never called me Thomas before."

"Listen to me, you are going to look amazing. You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

"Maybe I should talk to him... let him explain. No, no, no this is exactly the kind of bullshit thinking that lead me to trust him in the first place. He showed me his true colors and there isn't anything else I need to hear," you scold yourself. I love him. Loved him... no... no matter how much I try... I love him.

It had been three days and you had still refused to turn your phone on or talk to anyone except for Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy. Angie and Eliza had been doing everything they could to help comfort you. They had run off Hercules and Alexander again this afternoon. Peggy on the other hand was ready to commit homicide.

"I'm serious (Y/N) I've watch a lot of 48 Hours Hard Evidence and I'm pretty confident that I could get away with it," Peggy said between bites of ice cream.

"I don't want Thomas dead," you said quietly.

"Why? He deserves it for what he did! I can't believe him," Peggy complained.

"Because I love him Peg. Damn it.. loved him. Who was it that said I was crazy for being worried? Who was it that said Thomas would never do anything when I said I was worried? Oh that's right it was you!" 

"I know and I'm sorry."

"I need to go home," you said.

"Why? I thought you wanted to stay here until you were ready."

"I need my own clothes," you mutter, "I don't really want to leave... but I need my stuff if I'm going to stay here."

"I can go get you some of your stuff," Eliza said as she came into the living room.

Eliza had been gone for almost an hour. You were beyond thankful to her for offering to go get you your things. She had taken a list your wrote out and promised to do her best to find everything. When you offered to go with her she insisted you sit back down and relax. Peggy had gotten up and headed upstairs leaving you alone in the living room. You flipped through the channels on the television and stopped on The Food Network. Masterchef was on, usually seeing one of your favorite shows would have brought a smile on your face, but not today. You frowned as memories of all the times Thomas and you had lounged on the couch and debated about the contestants. Quickly switching the t.v. off you put the remote down and crossed your arms and focused on the flames dancing in the fireplace.

"He's even ruining my favorite show," you lamented.

"Hey (Y/N) I'm back," Eliza said as she walked in pulling a rolling suitcase behind her.

"Thanks so much," you reply gratefully as you sat up.

You started digging through the bag looking for a new pair of pajama pants and Eliza slowly sank down onto the couch. There was an envelope in her hands and she looked nervous as she turned it in her hands.

"What's that?" You asked.

"It was stuck to your door when I got there," Eliza said carefully as she handed it to you.

Looking the envelope over you saw that it was blank and opened it, Thomas's handwriting was immediately recognizable. His elegant script was unmistakable as your eyes quickly scanned the beginning of the letter. The familiar lump in your throat returned as you read his plea for you to return his calls, to say anything just so he knew you were okay. He wants to know that I'm okay? How the fuck does he think I am?! The sound of paper crinkling as your hands tightened around the edges of the letter permeated the air. For the first time your despair gave way to anger as you shot off the couch and crossed the distance to the fireplace.

"(Y/N)?" Eliza questioned.

"That bastard wants to know if I'm okay? IF I'M OKAY?! HOW THE FUCK DOES HE THINK I'M GOING TO BE AFTER WHAT HAPPENED?" You shouted as you looked one last time at the letter before throwing it into the fire.

Eliza came up and stood next to you and watched as the paper curled in the flames and his carefully written words turned to ash. You trembled slightly as rage coursed through you.

"He thinks he can just write me a pretty letter and I'm going to come crawling back? Like that will erase what I heard him say..." 

Eliza nodded in agreement, "I hope that he burns."

The clock showed 8:20 am when you finished getting dressed. You knew you couldn't hide forever and you had to return to class. 

"I'm fine. It's going to be fine," you said to yourself.

Slowly you piled your textbooks and papers into your bag. You were forever grateful that Angelica had made sure that you knew the assignments you had missed over the last week and you were pleased that at the very least you weren't behind on homework. There was enough to worry about when you thought of returning to the university without having to be bogged down with past due work. You slipped on your flats and snagged your phone off the charger before heading down stairs.

Before you had made it halfway down the stairs you stopped when you heard Angelica's voice and she sounded irritated.

"I already told you not to come here Alex," Angelica snapped.

“I know, but I'm worried. She hasn't answered any calls or texts and now she has missed a whole week of school," Alex reasoned.

"We are all worried, but (Y/N) will come back to school when she is ready."

"At least let me see her so I can let the guys know how she is," he begged.

"I promised her that I would keep you all away..."

"It's okay Angelica," you said as you walked down the rest of the stairs.

Angelica turned around quickly and looked at the backpack in your hand and back to your face and frowned. She came over quickly and looked concerned.

"(Y/N) what are you doing?"

"I'm going to class today," you said simply and you spotted a smile spread across Alex's face.

"Are you sure? Honey it's okay to wait a bit longer. If you aren't ready, you shouldn't force yourself," she said.

You pulled her into a hug and walked towards Alex, "I'm not sure if I'm ready, but I am sure that hiding here isn't going to solve anything. I'll see you later Angie."

Alex walked beside you as you went down the street and seemed to be at war with himself trying to figure out what to say. 

"So..."

"So?" You questioned without looking at him.

"How are you?"

"How do you think I am Alexander," you deadpanned.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not exactly."

"Alright then..." Alexander trailed off.

Nervous energy coursed through you as you walked closer and closer to the door of your first class. Alexander hadn't left your side for the entire journey across the campus. Slowly as you walked into the classroom you were almost scared to look up at the row where you knew Thomas sat. He was always there early, being the damn over achiever that he was.

"Well at least you won't have to stress about homework," Alex said cheerfully, "You're welcome by the way."

"Oh please what do you want? A metal? We both know Eliza rode your ass about making sure to tell her what the assignments were," you groused.

"That's beside the point," he argued as he pulled out his notebooks.

As you pulled out your books you turned and threw a tentative glance over your shoulder. Thomas's desk was empty, but it didn't take you long before you made eye contact with James. He tried to give you a sympathetic look, but you only glared before willing back around. A frown marred your features as you stared at your desk and mulled over Thomas's absence, it was a relief if you were being honest, but at the same time the familiar feeling of concern was trying to weasel it's way into your head. Thomas wasn't one to miss classes, even when he was sick he was usually there looking like death warmed over. No, nope, it doesn't matter. (Y/N) pull yourself together... he just broke your heart, he doesn't deserve an ounce of your concern.

"I had to present our debate project all by myself!" Alexander ranted dramatically as you both sat at your normal lunch table with Hercules and John.

"Oh please, it's not like you don't love to show off," you scoffed earning a laugh from Herc.

"Yeah Alexander, you are basically the biggest mouth in the school, I highly doubt you had an issue debating all on your own," Herc said.

"Soooo what was the outcome of the debate?" You asked throwing Alex a look.

"I won of course."

"Then what the hell are you bitching for?"

"Because I can," Alex complained.

You rolled your eyes and dipped your fries into ketchup. Alexander spoke quickly as he gave a play by play of how the debate had gone. John shook his head as Alex waved his arms as he angrily complained about being insulted. 

"Where is Thomas? I noticed he wasn't in class today," you commented absentmindedly.

Looking up from your food you saw all three men staring at you looking surprised.

"Who gives a shit," Herc bit out.

"Yeah (Y/N) why does it matter?" Alex asked.

"I don't know. I guess I was just thinking out loud..." Why did I say that? 

You frowned at the fact that you couldn’t stop thinking about him after everything that had happened. In the back of your mind the phrase surfaced again, you love him. God damn it!

"Well you won't have to worry about him, " Hercules commented, "I had a little discussion with him about staying away from you if he knows what's good for him."

"Are you serious?" You snapped.

"Oh shit..." John said. "What?" 

John pointed behind Alex and you felt yourself stop breathing for a moment. Thomas was standing not far off staring at the table like he had seen a ghost. James was standing next to him and looked concerned as he realized you had seen them. You tried to pull the best glare you could muster but it just wasn't working. You weren't ready. He was standing there with that magenta sweater you loved so much and sadness marred his handsome face. You felt a hand on your arm and quickly looked away and saw John holding out a napkin. Your plan to be strong had crumbled and tears were flowing freely instead of the glare you so desperately wanted to send his way. 

"I need to go," you said in a rush as you grabbed all your things.

"(Y/N) wait!" 

You ignored them as you rushed away from the table and towards the street to head home. You wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. I wasn't ready... Angrily you wiped away tears as you headed towards Angelica's.

"(Y/N)!" 

James's voice rang out behind you and you prayed that he was at least alone. You didn't want to face Thomas and look weak. Stopping and slowly turning around you felt a small amount of relief when you saw him by himself hurrying to catch up to you. He began to cough a bit as he finally reached you and you reached out concerned that he was going to have an attack.

"James what are you doing?"

"I... I had to talk to you," he said as he calmed his breathing.

"I don't want to hear it," you snapped and began walking again. I know it isn't his fault... but then again how the fuck can I know that he didn't know what Thomas was up too. They are best friends after all.

"Please! Please hear me out," he pleaded, "You need to talk to him! He is a wreck! I've never seen him like this..."

You felt something snap as you whipped around and shoved a finger into James's chest, "OH HE'S A WRECK? HE IS A WRECK? WHAT ABOUT ME JAMES?!"

James shrunk back slightly, "I know what he said hurt you and he is an idiot, but I think there is more to what..."

"NO! There isn't a damn thing more to what happened! I should go talk to him? I don't fucking think so."

"He is miserable. He has barely leaves his house! I don't know what to do," he said desperately.

"Well he should of fucking thought about that before he did what he did! He can go to hell! The both of you can just go to hell!" You shouted as hot new tears streamed down your face before storming away leaving James staring at the ground.

[mcs4ssyp4nts]

One Last Onision Post

Let’s talk about the last couple days with Onision. He posted a video about Shane Dawson (Why aren’t we surprised?) And had several melt downs. 

Anyway in the direct messages he had with Joy Sparkle Bs he agreed to do the debate on Youtube Live. Then back tracked and said he would do it on Lainey’s YouNow and made a poll asking everyone which platform was more glitchy in hopes to validate himself in some way. (Everyone said YouNow so that backfired.) He then says he won’t do it on Youtube because he doesn’t want Joy to profit. Joy said repeatedly that she would donate everything to charity. She even said she would donate $200 of her own money right then in good faith and she would later prove that all the money raised was given to charity. Onision says no the only way he will do it is if it’s on Lainey’s YouNow because no one will profit. (Lainey is his wife. Even if they have different bank accounts anything she spent the money on food, bills, anything for the kids, or even make up to use on her Youtube channel he would profit. Because they are married so it’s their bills, their kids, their food, and if she uses the make up in videos and gets paid for those videos he again profits.)

So he’s on YouNow and gets excited to see Jaclyn. (Honestly his reaction was pretty creepy. Like you could tell her was so excited but he was trying to keep his cool. Which he tried to seem chill the whole time but you could tell by the way he spoke and by how hard he was trying to stay calm he was freaking out on the inside. Well he’s pissed because Social Repose is there so he tries to guilt him about his ACTUAL stalker. He said Social Repose should apologize to the girl for what happened because that’s what he would do. Which we all know is complete bullshit. If a fan showed up to Greg’s house uninvited he would freak the fuck out. Make a video about it. And call the girl a retarded bitch or a cunt or many different names. Thats how he handles shit. Lastly he made a comment about Jaclyn’s boobs and again we’re not surprised. 

I can’t remember if Jeff came in before those two or after but Onision refused to actually listen to what he said at first and kept saying shit. And even said “How many times do I have to say this to you?” Which is hilarious because people repeatedly say stuff to him and he literally ignores them. So at this point Jeff is like wtf dude why isn’t this guy listening? You know like when you’re saying something to a kid and you repeat yourself a million times and then you get annoyed because they aren’t listening? That’s what happened and then Jeff went off. I thought it was funny. Onision thought he was some kind of puppet master but literally no one thought that.

So Joy finally comes in. She called him sweetie, or hun and he was like, “My name is Greg. Call me Greg.” And she was like “Sorry I get a little brain fogged due to this illness I have.” And then he kept saying she was mentally ill and trying to invalidate what she was saying by that. Even though he admitted he is mentally ill and so is he wife. But somehow they aren’t invalidated? He then made comments about her hair, called her a bitch a couple times, asked why she wanted to get sued so bad. (She basically wants him to try and sue her to 1. Call his bluff. And 2. Prove that he can’t really sue her because legally she has done nothing wrong.) Really just wouldn’t listen to her, let her finish a point, and kept just trying to over talk her. That’s why she kept having to yell. He then bitches out and leaves.

Lainey comes in and talks. She did cry but it was because of the subject not because of Joy. Joy was actually decent to Lainey. Even if she was being fake she still had the decency to try and treat Lainey like a person. 

Sara later came in and again Joy treated her like a person. She could have been being fake right then too but she still didn’t come in an insult her. Even though Sara called her a bitch in her first message to her. 

Lainey’s sister came in a one point. And she did what Onision did which was try and talk over everyone and be defensive about everything. She was pretty rude. So they muted her and she was butt hurt about that. But Joy said she could talk as long as she was respectful. Which the sister could have made her point had she done that. But instead she rolled her eyes and got off.

Greg then goes and of course tweets about being the victim. (Guess he didn’t make Joy cry like he wanted.) Then makes a video where he openly lies about what happened. He tweets that Sara is being attacked on Youtube Live. Sara literally tweets that’s not whats going on. He then makes Lainey out to be the victim even though Lainey chose to talk to Joy and only cried because they talked about Billie. And then he gets in a fight with Drew (Billie’s new boyfriend) and keeps talking shit about Billie who hasn’t said anything about Greg or Lainey in some time. Maybe she made one comment on a video Drew made. But on the internet she really hasn’t said much about the situation. While Greg has. Then I guess he made a video talking shit about Alex and Johnny. (Because they went on Andy’s podcast that Greg is so desperate to get on.) 

So that takes our list to like 9 or 10 people Greg tried to start shit with in the last like two or three days. I had to comment on this because my mind is honestly blown at how ridiculous this guy is. And how people still seem to follow him and think he truly is a victim of bullying when this shit all started because he said he wanted to make Joy cry and to humiliate her. This is the exact same way Donald Trump handles shit!! 

Oh he also told Joy it was Lainey’s dad that he would be using to sue her. He hates his father-in-law and “cut him out of his life” at some point this month so that was funny. He openly lied right there. And he promised he would sue Joy if they debated. And even though he left the debate if he does not sue her he will be caught in yet another lie. “Most honest Youtuber” my ass. 

Alright I’m done. 

[estonem1]

When I told you Imma start getting over you I hoped so. “Wounds heal over time”. For whatever or whoever they are. At least thats what people say.

But the sad truth is my wounds didnt heal. Not fully. Not yet. But neither the world ended as I though it will. Doors open and close, people come and go. All the time i was standing in the corner hopeless, convincing myself it will all pass; most times i hit the ground grasping for air with pain in my chest so intense I wished I was dead. I swear I hope that not even the people that did me dirty to experience this. So am not so sad about some things as i used to be but thats not healed i think cuz tears keep falling down my face when I remember. Imma say Im used to it. Cuz its the only thing I could do. Many times I ve asked myself why this have to happen to me? Will everytime I start to get better something worse have to happen to bring me even lowest. Till when? I fear happiness. I really do. Like nothing good ever stays with me. I lost myself many times but somehow Im always back on track, soul hurt but never hardened even after all. Feelings are for the brave they say. So I guess I am brave. I got this on my own rn and I always did.

But in the world where everything is so temporary choosing to be permanent is insane I think. It hurts being the only one tryna hold on everything, its foolish. Its useless and it leaves you bleeding.

But I guess some souls are restless and yet never tired. Somehow they always find strength.

And I refuse the world to make me hard. I ll never be like them. I hope so. I will never lose you because of my pride. I will triple text and not be ashamed to show you that I care for you. And if I say that I care for you more than I care for me, dont ever doubt that. Also I wont show less attention and interest in you just for you to not take me for granted. Never. I’m letting you know that you mean the world to me. That my feelings for you wont fade. I trust you with my secrets. You ll have me by your side as long as you decide you want to. They all say trust my words but I ll tell you watch my actions and judge by them. My words fail many times and you know Im tongue before brain. I may sometimes say things that dont look like me (like tryna appear unbothered) and I keep forgetting that you know my soul. Also I wont ever leave you wondering.

But lemme keep this straight. I wont beg for you. Wont beg for you to stay and be by my side. Thats the most heartbreaking thing ever. And my heart aches remembering my mothers eyes begging for my dads presence. Me begging for dunno what cuz i was so confused like i had to carry the whole weigth of the world on my shoulders. Feeling so small and worthless while you have whole universe inside you so loveable.

I dont know what happend that thought you and shaped you like this. You remember times when I told you that I cant figure you out but i know there s something. For everything there s a reason. I believe there s much more to be understood underneath the surface. I wont even beg you for you to open up to me I ll just ask from you to trust me with your soul. To give me your hand in mine, fingers intertvined with mine and trust me that everything you go through I am by your side always. Let me be your strength. Help me understand your reasons.

Cuz there is a reason for everything.

Like there is a reason that I met you. That you walked in my life and flipped it upside down. I had my trust broken, my heart was betrayed and shattered into milion pieces tried to handle it all , all by myself. So I know how being introvert and all alone feels like and Im glad that Im not like that with you. Its not that I wont be able to live without you the thing is that i dont want to. Dont ever want to remember how life before meeting you felt.

So Pleasepleaseplease. I know that you arent as you used to be and that you are not the same with the others and me and Im glad for this. Open up to me try it you are not weak not shame not worthless I promise you!

Tell me your problems from the past and presence, your shitty days, your fears, your passions, your dreams- lets share everything. I know I never stop talking but Im such a good listener. When I overreact its because I love you and I care for you. Trust me with your secrets. Its just me and you.

Being like this in a world like this hurts like hell aint gon lie but whats the point of being like all? Pretending that u dont give a fuck about anything or even worse not even pretending. Is that how its supposed to be? Am i the one who s wrong or its the others? I m giving you my hand and in the other you got the gun with you finger on the trigger.

So teach me :)

At least thats real love I think. Finding that one person and showing them how vunerable you are and they deciding to never leave your side. Loving you when your are least loveable (You when I was all curled up in bed, face black from the ruined make up, shaking and crying my soul out)

And remember Its was worth it, it is and it will be. Because in the world so temporary you made me happy and glad that im yours so many times that i ll use them wisely enough to survive for a lifetime❤️

At least I ll try

I hope this never happens, Me to never be without you and you to be the one that decides to always be by my side and never gives up on us. But whatever happens, wherever life brings you if you r ever in doubt just remember my eyes watering when Im telling you “I love you” and remember my body warmth when I hug you- I ll be always by your side.

Ps gotta stop now mom s bringing me a lunch and my face s all red from crying ily